James Cameron's Avatar

Sorry about the late update, college has been hitting me hard with finals. This does, however, lead to a lot more drinking, and that means a lot more stuff that belongs here.

In honor of its recent DVD/Blu-ray release, and the millions of environmentalists/special-effects-geeks/people-who-like-the-fact-that-it-has-an-environmental-message who will buy it, I present to you the James Cameron's Avatar drinking game.

 Haha, BLUE-ray...durrrrrrrrr....

For those of you unfamiliar, Avatar is the latest James Cameron film, and is a huge hit. It tells the story of how this really, really lucky bastard named Jake manages to save the world. Up until this point, it's like my autobiography. The part where it diverges a little is the fact that the world Jake saves is not Earth, but rather a perfect utopia being ravaged by the evil humans. The story also diverges from mine in that it got a whole lot of viewers (bringing in over 2.7 billion dollars), whereas I can really only get my girlfriend to read my blog. It's a good thing that it made so much money, though; the environmentalist, anti-corporate message was what brought people in, and, in tribute to that, Fox Studios decided to send all of the budget to preserving the rainforest. They even commissioned a sequel (and maybe a threequel?), so that they can save all the executives, er, rainforests.

In case you can't tell, I wasn't as thrilled with the film as most people. I found the effects to be absolutely stunning, but that was it. The story moved along at a pretty depressing pace, and the morals and messages just felt like James Cameron was dropping parallels and metaphors that really didn't apply ("shock and awe," indeed...). It was rather enjoyable, I'll give it that. The action scenes were pretty epic and the acting was pretty solid (especially considering the pure cheesiness of many of the lines; I still can't believe that Sigourney Weaver didn't burst out laughing when talking about how "the trees are their treasure" or whatever). But the film really was nothing too great; in a couple years, when all effects look that good, the film will be nothing terribly special.

Still, the film opens itself up for drinking, and that's what makes a movie truly great.

 If you can't get it up to this, it's just the alcohol...or just that...yeah, she's kind of...seriously, who is actually jerking off to this? Come on, people.

DRINK WHENEVER:
-Jake disobeys orders. This includes touching things in the forest (which they told him not to), getting up and running with his Avatar body before he's supposed to (in the real world, where things actually go wrong for people, he would have broken it), and any time that he could have talked to the Na'Vi and seen if they would let the humans get at the Unobtanium (which was the whole point of Jake's MISSION!!!)
-Any time the movie is similar to Dances With Wolves or Disney's Pocahontas.
-Any time that the movie drops a line about how the trees need to be saved, or that corporations are evil, or anything like that.

RECOMMENDED DRINKS:
Make a blue mixer of some sort. Although, no matter what I recommend, if something is labeled with the name "James Cameron," you're going to buy it. That's just how it works.

Jake and Neytiri...taking a shot!!!

New Family Guy

A bit of a late post this week, mainly due to just plain forgetting. It's approaching finals week, which means all the more reason to play one of these games. Fortunately, getting the post out late really doesn't matter, as this is a drinking game for Sunday night. Specifically at 9:00 PM, EST, on Fox.

Yes, it is time to actually make the new episodes of Family Guy enjoyable.

 Sounds like a solid plan to me!

Don't get me wrong, Family Guy used to be a good show. It was enjoyable, it was fresh. These days, though, the show has just sunk into the same-old, tedious, predictable cesspool of boring that is what happens when Seth MacFarlene thinks that something is funny and it just plain isn't.

Fortunately, predictability is something that drinking games are formed on, and so this makes for a damn good game.

I vote for change. Change back to the standards the show used to have.

Drink when:
-Someone breaks into song. For every 30 seconds that that song goes on, take another shot. If, at the end of that song, you found that you did not laugh once, take another shot.
-The show uses clearly recycled animation or live-action. For every 30 seconds that this sequence goes on, take another shot.
-Take a shot if Conway Twitty shows up.
-Take a shot if Herbert the Pedophile shows up.
-Take a shot when there is some sort of liberal rant or propaganda. Take two if Brian is delivering it.'
-Take a shot when they make a "Stewie is gay" joke.

With the standard episode nowadays, you will have taken about15 shots in the matter of a half-hour. Note: This is a bad idea. Still, if someone got hurt, perhaps the blame could go to the show for sucking so badly. Maybe then it would convince them to cancel the show, and attempt to move onto something more innovative and fresh. Like The Cleveland Show. A totally different take on the Family Guy concepts. Unlike Family Guy, it features a fat dad, a talking and uber-intelligent baby, talking animals, and random cut-away gags...oh...well, at least all there's are black. Different in every way.

Recommended Drink: Something strong. Or beer. So you don't die.

If any of your friends start to look like this guy, feel free to punch them.

The Lord of the Rings

The Lord of the Rings comes out on Blu-ray today! The complete epic series! All over 9,000 hours of footage! In High Definition!

 Because drinking isn't actually making you drunk, unless it's in Hi-Def.

For some of us, this means nothing. Because some of us don't have the money to get Blu-ray players. But some of those people have roommates with PS3's. But should those roommates leave, the PS3 leaves too. Unless the roommate is dead...hmm...

But enough about people who are definitely not me, and their non-HD life! It's time to drink with all the folks of Middle-Earth!

 Even the poster has a sprawling scenery shot...just look at that lower left.

There are many rules that can be added to this movie to make it more enjoyable (because everything's better with alcohol). Pick and choose, though.

Drink every time that:
-Someone puts on the ring.
-Sam says "Frodo" or "Master Frodo!"
-There is a sweeping shot of New Zealand...two shots if there's a castle in the shot.
-Gollum says "My precious."
-Gimli says something comic-relief-esque, or clearly intended to be.
-Legolas does something bordering on the absurd (not running out of arrows at certain moments counts).
-Aragorn teases Eowyn. As in acting so much like he wants to be in her dress, but really doesn't all along. (Can you blame the girl for being confused?)
-and finally, my personal favorite, every time that Gandalf yells at/hits/scolds/insults/degrades/beats somebody.

Enjoy drinking! Although if the trip to the liquor store is miles and miles through mountains, mines, and other perils...maybe you should just ask your neighbors if they'll lend you any vodka.

Recommended drink: Miruvor

One drink to intoxicate them all, one drink to...shomthing er uther....