The Super Mario Bros. Movie/Super Mario Bros. Super Show

Super Mario Galaxy 2, the latest entry in Nintendo's Mario franchise, hit shelves this week, to rave reviews! Drinks all around!

Now, it's time to remind everyone of some low points in the Mario franchise: the movie and the TV series. Drinks...all...around...

 You moronic mustachioed mooks...

The first of these was the 1989 TV show, the "Super Mario Bros Super Show." Captilalizing on the love of the Mario games, this show no doubt was loved by kids, but hated by adults. Frankly, it is bad. It is very very bad. The show starts off with a live-action segment (which is bad), segways into a animation segment (which is also bad...the animation can be decent at times for a 1989 show, but it's usually pretty bad), and then finishes off the live-action section (again, bad). In fact, the only truly enjoyable part of the show is the end credits, both because it shows you that your torment is over. Also, the song that plays ("Do the Mario") is actually somewhat catchy. It's at least a good deal better than the opening song which is...oh, I don't want to spoil it. You'll have to watch it yourself, a feat that is frankly, pretty easy. Not only are the DVDs around, but if you have access to Netflix, you can instantly stream it.

In order to make the show enjoyable, alcohol is recommended.

Take a Shot Whenever:
--There is something sterotypically Italian. This includes any mention of pasta or pizza, making puns with Italian words, or Mario just loving being lazy. Merely taking a shot at any mention of pasta would probably be enough.
--Every time that some one uses an insult that has both words start with the same sound (an alliterative affront, if you will). Examples: Crazy Koopa, Miserable Mushroomheads, Pathetic Pasta-lovers (take two on that one), Stupid Stupid Stupid Supposedly Super Show...you get it.

In the end, though, this show can be enjoyable on the right levels of drink. Just avoid Episode 4, though. It's...it's just...that one is no good.

If you'd rather spread out your drinking though, you can always brave the "Super Mario Bros" movie from 1993.

...Good luck.

 Just looking at this, you know something's wrong...

The movie is crap. It is utter crap. Like as a kid, I would probably have enjoyed the "Super Show," simply because it at least resembled the games. This movie...it has literally no similarities with the game. And it is bad. It is just oh so bad. Like, "Office" season finale levels of bad. This movie should be the final boss in the next Mario game. It should be run repeatedly for high-level criminals as an alternative to the death penalty (they might take the latter). Bob Hoskins and John Leguizimo (Mario and Luigi, respectively) are probably still recovering from this movie. This is probably what gave Dennis Hopper (King Koopa) the ca...the...the pros...never mind. Too soon....

Anyway, good luck enjoying the movie. I was told that a gang of drunk college kids watched it, and they still hated what was happening. But, if you think that you can take it, go ahead.

Take a Shot When:
--You feel like it.
or
--When someone yells at a fungus.
--When something is not at all like the games (Goombas are...towering, tiny-headed, reptile thingies...???)
--When the Bob-omb shows up...'cause everyone loves that Bob-omb.

Enjoy! And please be safe. And until next time, "DO THE MARIO!!!"

Take one step, and then again...

Terminator

Alright, so two weeks ago (yes, I know, I'm supposed to have a new post every week...I was just busy, and...if you keep criticizing...I swear, I will leave you!), I posted a non-too-flattering review/drinking-game for James Cameron's Avatar. Later, after perhaps indulging in the game myself, I went on a drunken tirade against Cameron, and, in my intoxication, stated that I would stop him from ever creating this film, which threatens to doom all future film-making.
Fortunately, I found the capability to do so in an old abandoned warehouse that happened to be behind my apartment. Yes, folks, I discovered a time-machine.
Utilizing its power, I warped back in time to prevent James Cameron's mother from ever giving birth to him. Unfortunately, one of those creepy dorks who have decided to worship the Na'Vi and Eywa and Yoda and all that came back in time as well, with the intent to stop me. Even more unfortunately, he managed to stop me. I managed to escape back to my own time, with my life.
The downside to the adventure is that movie-making could still be doomed. The upside is that Mrs. Cameron told her son James about the story, and it gave him a pretty good story idea, which he would later turn into a movie: the 1984 classic, Terminator. Even better, that movie also lends itself to some pretty awesome drinking.

 Ah'm gonna take a shot...lollerskates!

In case you don't know (and I pity you), The Terminator is commonly renowned as one of the greatest films of all time. Mind-bending and kick-ass, it's the iconic Ahnold Schwarzenahgger movie. It's basically the Governator and Michael Biehn blasting the shit out of each other for a good, long movie. And you get to see Linda Hamilton naked. Good times.
The plot is also a sci-fi dream. Robots of the future, ruling our kind, send back the most dangerous cyborg possible (Schwarzenegger) to eliminate Sarah Connor (Hamilton), so that she will not give birth to her son, the future savior of humanity. Fortunately, the humans send back their own agent (Biehn) to stop the Terminator and save Sarah. Pure awesome.
With the constant action and amazing 80's feel (the Technoir...yeah, I go to those when I want to get down), it is just so open for drinking. Enjoy!

 Not if I take it first!

Drink whenever:-Ahnold says something
-Someone steals a car. Take a small shot when someone steals a motorbike. Take two if someone takes a semi.
-Every gun that someone goes through. They go through a lot.

Recommended drink:
Either go along with Ahnold's transformation (take something clear like Vodka and segway to something red, like a Cran-Citron, after he gets the iconic Terminator eye). Or you could make what is called the Terminator (Jagermeister and Southern Comfort).

Enjoy, and stick around for next week. I'll be...returning.

Be careful when drinking...you can't take as much as a cyborg.