The Super Mario Bros. Movie/Super Mario Bros. Super Show

Super Mario Galaxy 2, the latest entry in Nintendo's Mario franchise, hit shelves this week, to rave reviews! Drinks all around!

Now, it's time to remind everyone of some low points in the Mario franchise: the movie and the TV series. Drinks...all...around...

 You moronic mustachioed mooks...

The first of these was the 1989 TV show, the "Super Mario Bros Super Show." Captilalizing on the love of the Mario games, this show no doubt was loved by kids, but hated by adults. Frankly, it is bad. It is very very bad. The show starts off with a live-action segment (which is bad), segways into a animation segment (which is also bad...the animation can be decent at times for a 1989 show, but it's usually pretty bad), and then finishes off the live-action section (again, bad). In fact, the only truly enjoyable part of the show is the end credits, both because it shows you that your torment is over. Also, the song that plays ("Do the Mario") is actually somewhat catchy. It's at least a good deal better than the opening song which is...oh, I don't want to spoil it. You'll have to watch it yourself, a feat that is frankly, pretty easy. Not only are the DVDs around, but if you have access to Netflix, you can instantly stream it.

In order to make the show enjoyable, alcohol is recommended.

Take a Shot Whenever:
--There is something sterotypically Italian. This includes any mention of pasta or pizza, making puns with Italian words, or Mario just loving being lazy. Merely taking a shot at any mention of pasta would probably be enough.
--Every time that some one uses an insult that has both words start with the same sound (an alliterative affront, if you will). Examples: Crazy Koopa, Miserable Mushroomheads, Pathetic Pasta-lovers (take two on that one), Stupid Stupid Stupid Supposedly Super Show...you get it.

In the end, though, this show can be enjoyable on the right levels of drink. Just avoid Episode 4, though. It's...it's just...that one is no good.

If you'd rather spread out your drinking though, you can always brave the "Super Mario Bros" movie from 1993.

...Good luck.

 Just looking at this, you know something's wrong...

The movie is crap. It is utter crap. Like as a kid, I would probably have enjoyed the "Super Show," simply because it at least resembled the games. This movie...it has literally no similarities with the game. And it is bad. It is just oh so bad. Like, "Office" season finale levels of bad. This movie should be the final boss in the next Mario game. It should be run repeatedly for high-level criminals as an alternative to the death penalty (they might take the latter). Bob Hoskins and John Leguizimo (Mario and Luigi, respectively) are probably still recovering from this movie. This is probably what gave Dennis Hopper (King Koopa) the ca...the...the pros...never mind. Too soon....

Anyway, good luck enjoying the movie. I was told that a gang of drunk college kids watched it, and they still hated what was happening. But, if you think that you can take it, go ahead.

Take a Shot When:
--You feel like it.
or
--When someone yells at a fungus.
--When something is not at all like the games (Goombas are...towering, tiny-headed, reptile thingies...???)
--When the Bob-omb shows up...'cause everyone loves that Bob-omb.

Enjoy! And please be safe. And until next time, "DO THE MARIO!!!"

Take one step, and then again...

Super Mario

Right Nintendo players, both past and present, it is time to bust out a gaming system and play a Mario drinking game.

 Itsa time to a-put-a on-a my drinking cap!

There is only one rule for drinking in a Mario game: drink every time that Mario (or any other playable character) falls down a pit.

This may sound like too simple of a game, but the complexity lies in the vicious cycle that it presents. You have to consider that it includes those who are playing the game.

Thus, once Mario falls down a pit, not only will those happy little "you died" chords play, but the player will take a shot. And then they will fall down another. And take a shot. And then, the alcohol will lead them down another pit. To take another shot. To increase the chances of falling down a pit. To take a shot.

I am begging you that you pass out at some point. This is easily one of those games that could result in death.

 You're going to want to drink now, anyway, to forget this horror.

Recommended games: Any one that has multiplayer, so that more people jump down more pits. Especially recommended is the recent "New Super Mario Bros Wii", in which the multiplayer happens at the same time. 4 players at one time=much falling=much alcohol=much fun.

Enjoy, and mamma mia, please play safe.

Recommended drink: Something italian. Maybe wine. That way it'll also be safer. Trust me, it just requires a buzz, and then stuff will get awesome.

Thank you so much for to playing my game!