The Karate Kid

The remake of "The Karate Kid" hits theaters today. And unfortunately, you're not allowed to bring alcohol into a movie theater. If you were, though, you could take a shot for every time that the new version is outdone by the original, or for every moment that the karate and fights look completely choreographed. Hell, you can just play it by watching the trailer, and you would still at least get buzzed.

Still, I'm always one for finding an excuse to rewatch a classic film, and so that is why I recommend watching the original 1984 film.

 Oh, yeah, there was an original, wasn't there?

After all, this film is not only a classic, but it is a damn good film. Pat Morita conveying an intriguing and ass-kicking mentor/father-figure, Ralph Macchio conveying just the right levels of awkward teenager to make us relate to the guy, and Elisabeth Shue conveying the right...well, what guy wouldn't have wanted to have her as their high school sweetheart? Meanwhile, we've got a typical 80's villain (hey, the formula worked; we all wanted to see Dan kick Johnny's ass), 80's music, 80's montages...it's an 80's film. And it is glorious.

 Do not attempt this game near large bodies of water.

Of course, all the 80's culture, the stuff that we in the 2000's mock and parody, makes for some pretty good drinking material. So grab yourself some alcohol and get drinking.

Take a shot when:
- Someone is wearing a cut-off tee or awkwardly short shorts.
- There's a montage.
- You wish you had Pat Morita for a father-figure.
- And take a shot of sake or something strong whenever Dan drinks the sake. Just so you feel his same choking reaction.

Recommended Drink:
Well, you could always have some sake on hand, like what Dan and Mr. Miyagi drink. But frankly, anything will work. In fact, you might want to go with something lighter and just get buzzed, so that you don't miss the thrilling conclusion to this film.

Watching the film, I can frankly say that it was one of the most relateable films of all time. How could I not identify with the main character? After all, I'm ass-kicking, old and wise, and I'm teaching you all the secret arts of drinking game. I might as well change my name to Miyagi. In fact, I plan to. Right after clipping my Bonsai trees.

Updates will keep coming, but for now, I've got to jacket off...wait, that's the new one...I've got to wax off. See you!

"Man who catch fly with chopsticks can accomplish anything...like training the Million Dollar Baby! That be a much better film, hai!"